Ever see a Jeff Goldblum spoon a horse?

Can we tantalize you with a road adventure?

Darkly comedic is not the genre I want for a Holocaust movie

“I may begin to weep uncontrollably”

“That goes right into the ‘who-ya-kidding’ file.”

Watch a rich White dude get a bad case of the Murder Sads.

Fuck Woody Allen (but don’t).

Jeff continues to touch men…emotionally, and we are HERE for it.

We think Jeff’s bop is just right.

“I’m not sorry, all men are pigs!”

“I’m rightly appetized by this whole world.”

“Beady eyed little man child.”

We don’t want to be on Portlandia’s chore wheel.

“Mmm, power. One of the two things in life better than toast.”

“Her calves are like calzones.”

“You say balls too much. Way too in love with balls. Balls. Balls! Balls!”

Despite popular belief, neither of us have ever been to Portland.

“Excuse me, geniuses.”

“Come down and eat chicken with me, beautiful.”

Come join us at the cat’s birthday party of the damned!