Bekkah:

This was like seven movies in one. Some of them were good movies, but not all of them were. I would have liked it if they had like, chosen maybe three plotlines? There were also like a million white dudes with beards in this movie, which makes it really hard to keep track. Fortunately, most of the main characters didn’t have beards or were Danny Glover or Kevin Kline. What Jeff Goldblum lacked in beard, he made up for with glorious sideburns and curls. And also a shady personality. But look at that fashion! I really don’t know how to review this movie, but I loved Stella, the tiny bartender and really the only person with sense in this movie. I loved Danny Glover, the only man in this movie who I felt actually was trying to be a good person. I loved the scenery and I loved how every scene had an Important Hat. I don’t think I love shootouts and I definitely don’t love it when the climax shootout in a movie lasts for 30 minutes.

Danya:

What technically qualifies something as a Western (tm)? Does it need sweeping landscapes? Tumbleweeds? An abundance of hats? Senseless violence? Enough toxic masculinity to drown a hog? Check, check, double check. I think what I learned is that I would not do well in the Wild West (tm). Everytime some white dude casually murdered another white dude, I would be very indignant, and Bekkah would have to remind me that the whole point of the WW was MURDER WHEN EVER YOU WANTED. Murder for all! Jeff Goldblum wore fur and sucked. It was hard to understand why all the many white men with beards wanted to kill some of the other beardos, and there wasn’t even an easy hat coding system to tell the good guys apart from the bad guys. I lost interest half way through, because really, once you see one senseless murder you’ve seen them all? right? -10 for sexual violence. +10 for the women and people of color being the only people with actual morals, bravery, and smarts in apparently the whole frontier. Yippie ky yay, motherfuckers.

5/10 Boldglums

Silverado on IMDB

A misfit bunch of friends comes together to right the injustices which exist in a small town.

Director: Lawrence Kasdan

Writers: Lawrence Kasdan, Mark Kasdan

Stars: Kevin Kline, Scott Glenn, Kevin Costner