Bekkah:

Oh my gawd, y’all, how has it been 2 years of covid?! At least we have seemingly unlimited Jeff Movies to get us through. Since we did all 3 OG Jurassic Parks for our one-year anniversary, we decided to do the last 2 Jurassic Worlds for this one. I still think Jurassic World is one of the better Jurassic movies, but it’s just so much worse than the original. I can see how they were trying to build the wonder in the beginning of the movie, but I can’t see myself caring about these characters the way I love Dr. Sattler, Dr. Grant, Big Tim The Human Piece Of Toast, Lex, and of course Dr. Malcolm. Like none of them are fun to care about. The scripts do Bryce Dallas Howard dirty, she deserves better! Chris Pratt deserves worse, and I look forward to Blue eating him in Jurassic World: Dominion, which is the only prediction I am making about that movie. A paleo-veterenarian is not a real job and you can absolutely make fun of someone with a fake job. Danya correctly pointed out how all of these movies have kids in them, and it just seems like a bad fit most of the time. I am looking forward to the original gang getting back together in the new movie, so stay tuned for our reviews this summer!!

Danya:

Guys, guys! So first you take some hubris (this is very important), because just because dinosaurs are always a bad idea, THIS time you have flown in the world’s best structural engineer/dino behaviorist/geneticist/yoga instructor, so THIS time Jurassic Park is a great idea. Then, oh no! There’s a child! Maybe even two! And for some reason they are without their parents, which is deeply compelling in a Hans Christen Anderson kinda way. Then, someone leaves a gate open. Probably because of greed or cowardice. Then, oh no! The dinosaurs are out! They only eat people of color, fat guys, mean dudes, or nameless hordes, so don’t worry. But they are unstoppable! Bullets are mere mosquito bites. THEY WILL BOW TO NO TRANQUILLIZER! All is lost, except….maybe…the only way to kill a dinosaur is with ANOTHER DINOSAUR. Repeat forever. Except, continue to escalate. Make your dinosaurs scary cephalopods! That not enough? ADD VOLCANOES. Looking forward to a tsunami next!

But we’ve been doing this for two years which means the pandemic has been happening for two years. Spring is also here, and it feels like things are slowly thawing. Maybe the world will open up again. But probably not, because it is overrun with dinosaurs. Can’t wait to see Dominion in person!

5/10 Jeffasauruses

Jurassic World on IMDB

A new theme park, built on the original site of Jurassic Park, creates a genetically modified hybrid dinosaur, the Indominus Rex, which escapes containment and goes on a killing spree.

Director: Colin Trevorrow

Writers: Rick Jaffa (screenplay by), Amanda Silver (screenplay by)

Stars: Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Ty Simpkins

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom on IMDB

When the island's dormant volcano begins roaring to life, Owen and Claire mount a campaign to rescue the remaining dinosaurs from this extinction-level event.

Director: J.A. Bayona

Writers: Derek Connolly, Colin Trevorrow

Stars: Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Rafe Spall