Bekkah:

When Danya said, “Jeff looks really hot in his outfit,” and I said, “Yeah, except for that nose,” and then she said, “No, I mean like he looks warm,” I feel like I revealed something new about myself to her. Oh well. Jeff is dreamy in nearly all incarnations, including him as a nature-hating wolf (please make the spinoff where he just tells flowers they are trash and birds need to shut up). Billy Crystal was a cinnamon roll of a pig, too pure for this world as a pig artist, and way too skilled at building brick houses. Somehow his happy ending meant he ended up with the weird, classist, plantation gal pig (gross), but at least they all learned something? I dunno, isn’t that what faerie tales are for? I used to love Faerie Tale Theater as a kid (we had a ton on VHS!) and I’m so pleased that they hold up!

Danya:

I guess maybe what Bekkah revealed about herself is a weird attraction to coats made out of mops and floppy hats. This was an entire delight, especially the costumes that looked like one of those unusual materials project runway challenges. I’m here for 80s pig aesthetic. Lots going on here about capitalism and work ethic, like apparently if only there was enough social safety net all the pigs could have just stayed with mom. But no, they are tossed out into the world like week old ham. Bekkah is correct that Jeff was still hot, even with his rat nose prosthetic. More of all of this, please.

9/10 Huffs and Puffs

Three Little Pigs on IMDB

Three pig brothers. One is narcissistic, one is greedy but the runt is creative and clever. Big bad Buck Wolf is charged with the task of bringing home a pig for dinner. Pretty pink Tina charms them all. Who will survive by their chinny chin chin?

—atozcleanrita

Director: Howard Storm

Writers: Rod Ash, Mark Curtiss

Stars: Billy Crystal, Jeff Goldblum, Valerie Perrine